You And I

What else is there for me to say?

You and I love much the same way

You’ll love me past when my hair turns gray

And I’ll love you until our very last day.

With all the fights that we’ll keep at bay

I’ll look at you, and I’ll think and I’ll pray

That nothing will change as we lay

And we will always be happy and gay.

4 thoughts on “You And I

  1. I like what you are doing with this poem. The last three lines bring out a lot of emotion. I can feel what you were trying to accomplish with just a few lines.

    For Next Time: You should try play around with line structure, enjambment and word placement. Keep molding these until you have a and tempo that will create movement. It will make your reader feel as though they are “thinking and praying” not the “I” of the narrator. Let them feel the natural cadence of your words and take them for a ride!

    Great poem, thanks for sharing 🙂

    Bermuda the Man

    1. Thank you for the excellent feedback. I will definitely take those into consideration in the future. Playing around with poems and seeing how different methods effect your writing is always a fun activity. Thanks again! :]

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